Sunday, July 19, 2009
One of These Things is Not Like the Others
Wow - March, really? Guess I've been spending most of my time on Facebook.
I have a knack for getting behind people in the grocery checkout line who are buying six of one thing and one of something else that... well... advances the plot. For example:
I have a knack for getting behind people in the grocery checkout line who are buying six of one thing and one of something else that... well... advances the plot. For example:
- A Unabomber-looking type with six jugs of muriatic acid and a bottle of wine (A fun time cleaning the pool or a sinister batch of wine coolers?)
- Six boxes of diapers and a pint of Ben & Jerry's (bought by a woman with two screaming kids and a newborn. Imagine the surprise when she turned around and I recognized her as the head cheerleader from high school.)
- My favorite: A Friday afternoon. A couple in full evening dress, but disheveled. Her makeup's smeared, his tie is askew and their clothes are rumpled. They bought six bags of gourmet chocolate cake mix... and a box of condoms.
Yesterday, I became one of those people. Six bags of cat food and a box of Estroven.
Pathetic.
Monday, March 23, 2009
My new favorite video
I love this (but can't embed it for some darn reason...)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jbya4kxC6E
A whole Muppets/Talking Heads album would be great. Imagine Fozzie singing Psycho Killer or Animal doing Burning Down the House.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jbya4kxC6E
A whole Muppets/Talking Heads album would be great. Imagine Fozzie singing Psycho Killer or Animal doing Burning Down the House.
Monday, March 16, 2009
All this time, I've been doing it wrong
Had to attend some work-related training on Saturday. I knew it was going to be a very long day when the instructor read from the handouts:
How to safely sit down in a chair:
Look to make sure the chair is where you think it is.
Move the chair or your body until you feel the front edge of the chair seat with the back of your legs.
If the chair has arms, keep your back straight, bend at the knees, grasp chair arms and sit down.
If the chair is not equipped with arms, turn the upper part of your body slightly, grasp the top of the chair back and sit down as described above.
This was accompanied by a classroom full of people stealing glances at each other and mouthing the words, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
How to safely sit down in a chair:
Look to make sure the chair is where you think it is.
Move the chair or your body until you feel the front edge of the chair seat with the back of your legs.
If the chair has arms, keep your back straight, bend at the knees, grasp chair arms and sit down.
If the chair is not equipped with arms, turn the upper part of your body slightly, grasp the top of the chair back and sit down as described above.
This was accompanied by a classroom full of people stealing glances at each other and mouthing the words, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
"Time Enough At Last"
Remember that episode of The Twilight Zone, in which Burgess Meredith, playing a bank teller, only wants time to read? (He gets it, as the sole survivor of a bomb blast, but then accidentally breaks his reading glasses. But that's beside the point.)
I'm there.
I have two books open on my nightstand, and another 30 in the closet awaiting reading. The kitchen counter has a stack of magazines I have yet to crack open. There are 25 programs on my DVR and another 84 scheduled to record in the next two weeks. And I'm not even taking into account maintaining my presence on Facebook and LinkedIn.
I'm on media overload. Maybe I'll catch up by the time I retire. Or maybe I'll just lock myself in the bank vault like Burgess Meredith's character did. Good thing I'm nearsighted.
I'm there.
I have two books open on my nightstand, and another 30 in the closet awaiting reading. The kitchen counter has a stack of magazines I have yet to crack open. There are 25 programs on my DVR and another 84 scheduled to record in the next two weeks. And I'm not even taking into account maintaining my presence on Facebook and LinkedIn.
I'm on media overload. Maybe I'll catch up by the time I retire. Or maybe I'll just lock myself in the bank vault like Burgess Meredith's character did. Good thing I'm nearsighted.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Ah-choo!
2009 is off to a great start. On the 3rd, I got the first cold I've had in five years and it won't. go. away. I did find an old recipe book belonging to my mother's mother, and it includes these cold remedies:
For cold
1 heaping teaspoon lard
1/2 teaspoon turpentine
Pinch of camphor gum size of end of finger
Cough remedy
4 oz. whiskey
1/4 oz. laudanum
1/4 oz. licorice
1/4 oz. honey
1 teaspoonful according to frequency of coughing spell
For pneumonia
Pare onions, slice them and chop them. Put in a bag & pound them till juice comes. Put bag in a pie pan & cover. Put in oven till hot, then put on chest & cover with a hot flannel. Keep on 5 hrs.
I think I'll stick with Vicks.
For cold
1 heaping teaspoon lard
1/2 teaspoon turpentine
Pinch of camphor gum size of end of finger
Cough remedy
4 oz. whiskey
1/4 oz. laudanum
1/4 oz. licorice
1/4 oz. honey
1 teaspoonful according to frequency of coughing spell
For pneumonia
Pare onions, slice them and chop them. Put in a bag & pound them till juice comes. Put bag in a pie pan & cover. Put in oven till hot, then put on chest & cover with a hot flannel. Keep on 5 hrs.
I think I'll stick with Vicks.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Veterans' Day
In remembrance of the 90th anniversary of the armistice, I'd thought I'd excerpt a few paragraphs from a letter my grandfather wrote to his brother and sister from the battlegrounds in France. The letter was printed in the Lewisburg (PA) Journal on September 13, 1918.
Well, we are in it! What do you think of your boys now?... I suppose you have received word of the death of Col. W.W. Fetzer. He was killed instantly. A shell exploded near and killed four other men who were with him. His grave is here and I see it quite often. We have fixed it up with a cross and a fence to last until after the war when the remains will be taken home. Have lost quite a few good friends here and am finding their new graves every day.... This is a hell-hole! Dead all about. Phew!
...
Were you here you would see scenes never to be forgotten. We must run for our dug-outs every night for we are constantly bombed by enemy aircrafts. It gets a fellow's goat for we cannot fight back and then they use large star shells (like big searchlights, only throwing light in all directions) to help them search us out. Damn! But, oh! boy, they are getting theirs and will get it harder as time passes and we get "madder."
...
Remember me to all and tell them not to worry about the boys from Penn's Woods -- they have all earned a name for themselves and we are going to win bigger honors.
Thankfully, my grandfather made it home, married twice, and was the father to four boys, all of whom served their country with honor. God bless all those who fought for our freedoms.
Well, we are in it! What do you think of your boys now?... I suppose you have received word of the death of Col. W.W. Fetzer. He was killed instantly. A shell exploded near and killed four other men who were with him. His grave is here and I see it quite often. We have fixed it up with a cross and a fence to last until after the war when the remains will be taken home. Have lost quite a few good friends here and am finding their new graves every day.... This is a hell-hole! Dead all about. Phew!
...
Were you here you would see scenes never to be forgotten. We must run for our dug-outs every night for we are constantly bombed by enemy aircrafts. It gets a fellow's goat for we cannot fight back and then they use large star shells (like big searchlights, only throwing light in all directions) to help them search us out. Damn! But, oh! boy, they are getting theirs and will get it harder as time passes and we get "madder."
...
Remember me to all and tell them not to worry about the boys from Penn's Woods -- they have all earned a name for themselves and we are going to win bigger honors.
Thankfully, my grandfather made it home, married twice, and was the father to four boys, all of whom served their country with honor. God bless all those who fought for our freedoms.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I am NOT the Crazy Cat Lady!
I prefer to think of myself as a one-woman Brangelina of the cat world. No, I haven't added any kitties to my brood, but no one's adopted the little ones, either. Here's what I've tried:
Flyers. I have flyers in locations all around town. I've had plenty of calls, and plenty of empty promises ("Sure, we'll come by Saturday around 2 p.m. to take a look." No one comes.)
Word of Mouth. My friends and family have been great about spreading the word at schools, stores and businesses. Unfortunately, this has attracted only the people who already have more cats than they can handle.
Petfinder.com. If this is anything close to what online dating is like, I'll remain single, thanks. I've received dozens of barely literate replies that I strongly suspect will lead me to some unsavory sites or subject me to a mailbox full of spam. People in Iowa, West Virginia, and Louisiana (What? You people don't have kittens where you are?) have all sent me disturbingly similar emails - generally involving a member of the clergy and a six-year-old daughter who just lost her pet and wants a new one by "WENSDY." One somehow thought I was offering "puppez. U send pic 2 me, OK? What they eat?" and I kind of got the idea she wanted to trade the six-year-old for the "puppez."
Yes, I've considered the local no-kill shelters, and I just can't do it. Why should they spend their days in cages when they could be romping around the house or curling up next to their mother? Besides, the local newspaper runs photos each week of shelter pets up for adoption. If I gave the kittens to a shelter and then came across their photos in the paper, I'd lose it. Big time.
So, I've stocked up on litter boxes (LOVE this), have been watching Jon & Kate, Plus 8 (if they can handle eight kids, I can surely...), have the roomba vacuum going daily, and have been saying that it could be worse. Yes, I'm donating to the place in this video:
Flyers. I have flyers in locations all around town. I've had plenty of calls, and plenty of empty promises ("Sure, we'll come by Saturday around 2 p.m. to take a look." No one comes.)
Word of Mouth. My friends and family have been great about spreading the word at schools, stores and businesses. Unfortunately, this has attracted only the people who already have more cats than they can handle.
Petfinder.com. If this is anything close to what online dating is like, I'll remain single, thanks. I've received dozens of barely literate replies that I strongly suspect will lead me to some unsavory sites or subject me to a mailbox full of spam. People in Iowa, West Virginia, and Louisiana (What? You people don't have kittens where you are?) have all sent me disturbingly similar emails - generally involving a member of the clergy and a six-year-old daughter who just lost her pet and wants a new one by "WENSDY." One somehow thought I was offering "puppez. U send pic 2 me, OK? What they eat?" and I kind of got the idea she wanted to trade the six-year-old for the "puppez."
Yes, I've considered the local no-kill shelters, and I just can't do it. Why should they spend their days in cages when they could be romping around the house or curling up next to their mother? Besides, the local newspaper runs photos each week of shelter pets up for adoption. If I gave the kittens to a shelter and then came across their photos in the paper, I'd lose it. Big time.
So, I've stocked up on litter boxes (LOVE this), have been watching Jon & Kate, Plus 8 (if they can handle eight kids, I can surely...), have the roomba vacuum going daily, and have been saying that it could be worse. Yes, I'm donating to the place in this video:
