Sunday, January 29, 2006
True Grit
Several months ago, I took one of those goofy online quizzes to determine which "Golden Age of Hollywood" star I was most like, and which leading man of the era was right for me. I was delighted to discover I was Katharine Hepburn. Who would my leading man be? I was hoping for the wit and self-awareness of Jimmy Stewart or Cary Grant in The Philadelphia Story or the confidence and intelligence of Spencer Tracy in Desk Set.
Nope. I got John Wayne.
Rooster::::bleeping:::: Cogburn.
Yesterday, my new mattress was delivered. A couple weeks ago, I had tried -- by myself -- to flip my lumpy, taco-shaped mattress to get a few more months' wear out of it. That resulted in scattered books, a barrage of curses, and two cats dashing into the closet for shelter.
But yesterday, the delivery guy picked up my old mattress with ease and carried it out the door with just one hand. My heart fluttered, and I thought, "I need a man like that."
Then I remembered the quiz.
Shit.
Nope. I got John Wayne.
Rooster::::bleeping:::: Cogburn.
Yesterday, my new mattress was delivered. A couple weeks ago, I had tried -- by myself -- to flip my lumpy, taco-shaped mattress to get a few more months' wear out of it. That resulted in scattered books, a barrage of curses, and two cats dashing into the closet for shelter.
But yesterday, the delivery guy picked up my old mattress with ease and carried it out the door with just one hand. My heart fluttered, and I thought, "I need a man like that."
Then I remembered the quiz.
Shit.
Sit Down and Cheer
I went to the Spurs/Timberwolves game last night. I had no idea there were speakers in the restrooms. It's really disconcerting to do your business to chants of "Go Spurs Go!"
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
SWAG
It's awards season in Hollywood. Fabulous people at fabulous events are getting fabulous goodie bags just for being themselves -- fabulously. If you've gotten your share of press of the past year, you can rake in enough loot to fill every closet in your fabulous mansion. What's a celebrity to do with all those goodies? Donate them to charity? Ebay? Pawn off the stuff you don't want on your entourage? I think if I were ever in that position, I'd invite my friends and family over for the best Yankee Swap ever.
But not all goodie bags are filled with spa retreats and the latest electronic gadgets. All kinds of companies pay good money to get their products in celebrities' hands. Take Lindsay Lohan for example. Guess what was in the goodie bags she gave her guests at her 18th birthday celebration?
Tampons.
And I bet they're fabulous tampons.
But not all goodie bags are filled with spa retreats and the latest electronic gadgets. All kinds of companies pay good money to get their products in celebrities' hands. Take Lindsay Lohan for example. Guess what was in the goodie bags she gave her guests at her 18th birthday celebration?
Tampons.
And I bet they're fabulous tampons.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
5 things to make being sick a little easier
I've been sick this last week. Not quite a cold, not quite the flu -- just the "greatest hits" of both. Last Saturday I hoped, "Please let this just be allergies, just allergies, just allergies." By Sunday afternoon, however, I knew, "Oh, @?#!!, it's not allergies." And I hadn't been sick in two years. Well, might as well make it bearable:
1. Garnet Hill Travel Bedding. Their copywriter took his travel journal, transcribed the Tahiti entries into French and turned it into a sheet pattern. Looks light and fun, feels fantastic. I continue the French theme by pouring my Nyquil into a cordial glass and pretending it's Absinthe.
2. Brookstone's PowerNAP Pillow. Next to my Dyson vacuum, the best thing I've bought in months. The pillow has powers. You can scrunch it up to make it firm enough to support your neck and shoulders while you watch TV, or squish it around your head so you feel like you're sleeping on a cloud.
3. Project Runway Season 1 DVD. If you're going to be bedridden, you might as well be entertained with a little creative tension, courtesy of Crazy Uncle Jay, Evil Witch Wendy and the always wise & wonderful Tim Gunn. And doesn't Austin Scarlett look like one of Jim Henson's Quentin Crisp Babies?
4. Kitties! My two know their Mom isn't feeling well, so they curl up by my side and purr to make me feel better. It helps.
5. Baked Potato Soup. Easy, delicious and soothing:
4 large potatoes
2/3 c. butter
2/3 c. cornstarch
6 c. milk
3/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
4 green onions, chopped
½ c. cooked, crumbled bacon
1 1/4 c. shredded Cheddar
8 oz. sour cream
Wash potatoes and prick several times with a fork. Bake at 400 degrees for one hour until done. Let cool. Cut potatoes in half lengthwise, then scoop out pulp and set aside. Discard skins. Melt butter in heavy saucepan over low heat. Add cornstarch, stirring until smooth. Cook one minute, stirring constantly. Gradually add milk; cook over medium heat, stirring until thick and bubbly. Add potato pulp, salt, pepper, green onion, bacon and cheese (save some for garnish). Cook until thoroughly heated; stir in sour cream.
1. Garnet Hill Travel Bedding. Their copywriter took his travel journal, transcribed the Tahiti entries into French and turned it into a sheet pattern. Looks light and fun, feels fantastic. I continue the French theme by pouring my Nyquil into a cordial glass and pretending it's Absinthe.
2. Brookstone's PowerNAP Pillow. Next to my Dyson vacuum, the best thing I've bought in months. The pillow has powers. You can scrunch it up to make it firm enough to support your neck and shoulders while you watch TV, or squish it around your head so you feel like you're sleeping on a cloud.
3. Project Runway Season 1 DVD. If you're going to be bedridden, you might as well be entertained with a little creative tension, courtesy of Crazy Uncle Jay, Evil Witch Wendy and the always wise & wonderful Tim Gunn. And doesn't Austin Scarlett look like one of Jim Henson's Quentin Crisp Babies?
4. Kitties! My two know their Mom isn't feeling well, so they curl up by my side and purr to make me feel better. It helps.
5. Baked Potato Soup. Easy, delicious and soothing:
4 large potatoes
2/3 c. butter
2/3 c. cornstarch
6 c. milk
3/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
4 green onions, chopped
½ c. cooked, crumbled bacon
1 1/4 c. shredded Cheddar
8 oz. sour cream
Wash potatoes and prick several times with a fork. Bake at 400 degrees for one hour until done. Let cool. Cut potatoes in half lengthwise, then scoop out pulp and set aside. Discard skins. Melt butter in heavy saucepan over low heat. Add cornstarch, stirring until smooth. Cook one minute, stirring constantly. Gradually add milk; cook over medium heat, stirring until thick and bubbly. Add potato pulp, salt, pepper, green onion, bacon and cheese (save some for garnish). Cook until thoroughly heated; stir in sour cream.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Drink THAT in, pal!
So I'm at the wine shop looking for something with a little character (liquid or human), and a twenty-something guy is conducting a wine tasting.
Only he's not.
Instead, he's obviously bothering the clerks, loudly protesting that he can't find a girlfriend to cook for him and iron his shirts. (Check the calendar... yep, it's 2006.)
It's beyond joking; it's beyond post-adolescent cockiness. It's damned annoying.
No, I couldn't help myself. I swear, I couldn't.
I stopped dead in the middle of the store, and said -- just as loudly -- "What's stopping YOU? You have two good arms; you can iron. You can read a wine label, so you can read a recipe. And what makes you think a girlfriend can cook or iron any better than you?"
His jaw flapped around a little bit, but no sound came out. And I got a very good discount on my wine.
Only he's not.
Instead, he's obviously bothering the clerks, loudly protesting that he can't find a girlfriend to cook for him and iron his shirts. (Check the calendar... yep, it's 2006.)
It's beyond joking; it's beyond post-adolescent cockiness. It's damned annoying.
No, I couldn't help myself. I swear, I couldn't.
I stopped dead in the middle of the store, and said -- just as loudly -- "What's stopping YOU? You have two good arms; you can iron. You can read a wine label, so you can read a recipe. And what makes you think a girlfriend can cook or iron any better than you?"
His jaw flapped around a little bit, but no sound came out. And I got a very good discount on my wine.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee
All the recent news stories about the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas reminded me of the time I went... many, many years ago.
CES is Geek Disneyland. If you’ve ever lusted after any gadget, make the pilgrimage and immerse yourself in the surreality of Vegas at its most surreal:
Techheads
Rabid – I mean Old-Yeller-foaming-at-the-mouth rabid - retailers
Celebrities
Aaaaaand.... porn.
Yes, porn. (Think about it. Video makes up a huge chunk of consumer electronics. And a huge chunk of video is...?)
I went with some co-workers, in conjunction with my job at the time. We were latecomers to the show, and could get rooms only at the Sahara – where all the adult video actors were staying. After a day meeting with vendors, my co-workers and I agreed to meet at another hotel, have dinner and see a show.
(Please pardon all the “umms” and euphemisms in the following paragraph. This story doesn’t translate well without hand gestures, as well as certain phrases I refuse to commit to print. )
I waited in line for the shuttle on the Strip, along with some of the adult industry's ...um... talent. While we waited, they...um... “exchanged resumes” and “discussed skillsets.” We boarded the shuttle. I sat, probably too primly; they ...um... were decidedly not as prim.
The lights in the shuttle went off, leaving us in the dark. Some of the actors really liked that, at least from what I could tell from the various noises around me. Really liked that.
And the moment I knew the Great Cosmic Joker was having a good laugh? The shuttle’s piped-in music kicked in. Shelly Fabares, singing “Johnny Angel.” Riiiiiight. A squeaky-clean song of girlish yearning, accompanied by the primal moans of actors clad in purple animal-print spandex.
I never felt more like a Sunday School teacher in my life.
CES is Geek Disneyland. If you’ve ever lusted after any gadget, make the pilgrimage and immerse yourself in the surreality of Vegas at its most surreal:
Techheads
Rabid – I mean Old-Yeller-foaming-at-the-mouth rabid - retailers
Celebrities
Aaaaaand.... porn.
Yes, porn. (Think about it. Video makes up a huge chunk of consumer electronics. And a huge chunk of video is...?)
I went with some co-workers, in conjunction with my job at the time. We were latecomers to the show, and could get rooms only at the Sahara – where all the adult video actors were staying. After a day meeting with vendors, my co-workers and I agreed to meet at another hotel, have dinner and see a show.
(Please pardon all the “umms” and euphemisms in the following paragraph. This story doesn’t translate well without hand gestures, as well as certain phrases I refuse to commit to print. )
I waited in line for the shuttle on the Strip, along with some of the adult industry's ...um... talent. While we waited, they...um... “exchanged resumes” and “discussed skillsets.” We boarded the shuttle. I sat, probably too primly; they ...um... were decidedly not as prim.
The lights in the shuttle went off, leaving us in the dark. Some of the actors really liked that, at least from what I could tell from the various noises around me. Really liked that.
And the moment I knew the Great Cosmic Joker was having a good laugh? The shuttle’s piped-in music kicked in. Shelly Fabares, singing “Johnny Angel.” Riiiiiight. A squeaky-clean song of girlish yearning, accompanied by the primal moans of actors clad in purple animal-print spandex.
I never felt more like a Sunday School teacher in my life.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Are You Ready For Some FOOTBALL?
Monday, January 02, 2006
Holiday Tippling
I don't drink on New Year's Eve. It's not moral superiority; it's self-preservation. My family's traditional New Year's dinner includes pork & sauerkraut -- impossible to enjoy if you've had even a whiff of alcohol the previous evening.
But with several days off, I took the time to play with some drink recipes.
The "maybe I'll try them again, maybe nots":
But with several days off, I took the time to play with some drink recipes.
The "maybe I'll try them again, maybe nots":
- The egg nog experiment noted previously. This should work if I serve it only in shot glasses. Besides, it looks really cute that way.
- Thanksgiving Cocktail, courtesy of Chow magazine. Champagne, brown sugar, brandy and assorted spices. Not bad, but it leaves an ugly residue in your Champagne flute. And brown sugar just isn't fine enough for the rim of a glass.
- Cranberry Mojitos. Meh.
- Cranberry Vanilla Bean Mimosas. The perfect drink for trimming or untrimming your Christmas tree. Put on some festive music and have a lovely day.
- The Gingerbread Man, from Bloghungry (scroll down to see the recipe). Tasty, but a little harsh. I substituted vanilla vodka, added four parts milk and warmed it in the microwave for a minute and a half. Yummy!
- Poinsettia Sipper (I think this came from Cooking Light, several years ago). I make this every year, and it's always a favorite. Served cold with ginger ale, it was a terrific non-alcoholic punch at a club party. My sister has added rum to it for a hot toddy. I prefer it on its own, served warm. It guarantees sweet dreams with visions of sugarplums:
Poinsettia Sipper
2 c. cranberry juice cocktail
2 c. apple juice
1/2 c. sugar
2 tbsp. orange juice
3 cloves
2 cinnamon sticks
2 c. water
Combine ingredients in a saucepan, stirring until sugar dissolves. Bring to a simmer; cover and cook 30 min. Remove cloves & cinnamon. Serve warm or chilled.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Fresh!
Happy New Year!
For those of us who think Sandra Lee is an affront to good cooking, this may already be the best song of the year. It's a semi-homemade mash-up of quotes from her show with Bell Biv DeVoe's Poison. Enjoy!
For those of us who think Sandra Lee is an affront to good cooking, this may already be the best song of the year. It's a semi-homemade mash-up of quotes from her show with Bell Biv DeVoe's Poison. Enjoy!
